I feel
massively sick right now but I need to document the worst part of me (Don’t get
me wrong I am no longer a patron of self-defeating thoughts though I was). My
psychologist told me in one of our sessions that "An unexamined life is
not worth living." So this sheet will serve as a record of my attempt to
examine why I failed last Friday.
After a
suffocating day at work, I went home to take a quick nap and woke up to do my
homework. I studied some charts which are part of my watchlist and scouted for
any buying opportunity. It was chilling cold outside the patio yet I get by
with a stick of fumes. I smudge on my notebook with every detail of how the
future should like at daybreak—entry price, exit price, the percentage of possible gain or loss. I also
named the plays based on what people usually call them (bounce, breakout &
etc) only to find out those don’t have a play or I am just being this noob
again knowing nothing about technical analysis. Anyway, I still acted like I
have some prior knowledge and continued.
I
finalized the list. I was only to buy $COAL or $BKR. I kept my black notebook
and set the alarm to 4:30 am (inclusive
of one hour allowance) as I was behind four hours from market opening.
Ms.
Market finally opened. I was so excited but coughing heavily and burning in
fever. I instantaneously watch the list of top gainers and losers. Then I saw
$ABA making 5%+ gain. I rushed to open my charting tool. The price was
somewhere .53-.55. I thought to myself, I can enter at .55 and sell on .57-.58
(desperation) but I haven’t studied this. I argued inside my head. A war
between my rational being and the ignorant soul raged for an hour and with the
intervention of Ms. E, I clicked the buy button at .55. I bought a stock I did
not even take the time to look at last
night or even in the prior days! (WTF! Am I really desperate for some small gains?).
The market closed and $ABA settled at .52 leaving me
with roughly -6%. The worst part, I did not even sell it even if it hit my 4%
cut-loss point! Totally insane! The price of being an uneducated, coward
novice!
So
where did $ABA came from?
Desperation.
Ignorance. Lack of Discipline. Lack of Skills. And the sheer nature of being a
newbie.
I was
desperate to make quick small gains by jumping on a stock that I thought would
climb further. I was too ignorant to shun the idea that it could also go down where
I should be ready when that should happen. As a newbie, I definitely lack the
skills and discipline to trade based on conviction and charts.
I watched
my money burn into paper loss and I don’t feel anything about it when I should
have felt the pain. So, I’m leaving this part of my newbie failure &
discovery odyssey. Let this is a record of my stupidity and a reminder that I still got tons of rice to eat
to become the trader I want to be.
This is
not the end.
SELF-NOTE:
Trading without conviction is a
contemporary form of suicide.
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